Falon’s Story
“Good morning!” She beamed as she kissed Riley on his forehead. He’s not a morning person but this is a special sleepover. Dating for over a year, she’s certainly beyond in love! He’s wounded. Emotionally scarred from a marriage gone wrong. But right now he’s sleeping. Hung-over from ‘partying like rock stars’ the night before. He’s sweet, charismatic, funny and has indelible sex appeal. The public confirms they look good together. Yet he has a secret that will break her. But for now he’ll let her love him. Like crazy! He feels its about time someone proved themselves worthy of his attention and affection. A woman who’d lick his wounds and asked nothing in return was ideal. Just be happy to be with him. That’ll have to be enough for her. All he needs is a band-aid, a crutch, really. He’s a firm believer that by this time in life, you love who you love. And anyone new is a waste of time or a time waster. But Falon? She’s a good girl with doting parents who celebrated their 35th Anniversary the weekend she graduated with her Masters. The only daughter, youngest of 3 and a text-book Daddy’s girl. Any man’s prize. Women are all the same in different ways. She wants what most women want, except she by far is worth her weight and she knows it. No baggage, intelligent, beautiful, understanding and independent, with just enough vulnerability to allow the man of her heart to lead. Falon has had her share of hot dates and seasonal loves. But at this point, in this season, she’s spent enough time alone to know herself, heal wounds and accomplish things love would’ve distracted her from. She always wanted to add more to a relationship than her body! For a man to see her as a nurturer for their kids, a vixen for his passion and a partner in life. She wanted to be ‘The Package’. Not perfect, but acquire the needed attributes for a successful union with the man deserving of all that she is and looks to be. And when she met Riley, her heart literally skipped a beat. He was almost shy and stalled at her initial ‘hello’. He was taken aback. Their attractions chemistry was palpable with stares that spoke louder than his honey-kissed baritone once he mustered the needed air to reply. She cracked a mega-watt smile to break the ice as he looked away blushing at himself for being so boyish. But he liked it. He hadn’t had butterflies in what seemed to be a lifetime. He was granted another chance by love’s hand. And she was more than ready, more than willing to give love her best shot yet… Riley thought Falon was cool. Easy going and funny. Lovable and accommodating. Cute enough to make others jealous, even without make up which he found a rarity these days. His ex-wife would be envious. If she cared. The two will never cross paths. Falon will never know of his unspoken life. She’ll never know where he was really from and he’ll never take her to meet his real mother, not even the one who raised him after the incident… Yes, he has secrets. But today, 5 seasons into the relationship she’s dubbed ‘the one’, the man in her heart, body and mind is the man she loves. Completely. Even if she doesn’t know who he is. So as he snores, she realizes she’s bored. So she’ll cook! She’s got a mean breakfast game and he’ll surely wake up for that! Subtle buzz. “Where’s that coming from?” She goes about her ambition to knock his socks off with her omelet and waffle combo. Buzz. “How do you turn on this radio? Where does he keep his pans, griddle, condiments, I need some direction around here! He sure has plenty of utensils and gadgets to be a bachelor!” She spoke out loud. But only the designer cookware heard her. She worked her way around that kitchen like Rachelle Raye. Buzz. “What is that damn buzzing!?” As the warm aroma of Columbian coffee filled the air, she sizzled an omelet worthy of a photo complimented by homemade cinnamon induced waffles and turkey sausage her mother would be proud of. This plate was beautiful. Just like the smile he’d put on her heart. Who wouldn’t want a smart beautiful woman making breakfast in bed? ‘He’ll love this’, she thought as she blushed to herself. He’s snoring still when she returns to his room. Breakfast tray in hand. Buzz. Its his cell phone. She places the tray down to add the cell phone to the smorgasbord of goodies she’d created for him. Buzz. She stands frozen. Waiting to hear exactly where its coming from. Nothing. “Damnit!” She picks the tray back up and continues over to her new love. Sleeping so tenderly, loudly, but sweetly indeed. “Babylove! Oh Babylove!” She croons with sunshine in her tone. No one or any silly buzzing was to keep her from her King! She paused. Took a moment to soak up this monument. As she looked around the room, for the first time. She noticed she’d never seen it in daylight. How the sheets complimented the shams and curtains. How each tone took a note from the other. The night light next to the headstand for evening reading. The flat screen on the wall she’d never watched a movie on but was sure that was next. The desk over on the east wall where she assumed he’d paid bills on his expensive laptop and maybe read the paper. The throw rug and matching pillows now on the floor, but still looked exquisite. He had taste. Expensive, chic and she’d wondered if a woman had a hand in the birth of this ensemble. She watched him sleep. And time stood still. Bare, caramel kissed skin. Forearms strong, gripping the extra pillow he can’t sleep without and that she couldn’t replace with her body. She wished she was that pillow. She will be. She’ll be his comfort that his life can’t live without. One day. He’s come so far. It took her a while to get him to see that its ok to give her his heart. She wasn’t sure what the last woman did but she was certain it was bad. Maybe even unbearable. He’d been through a lot. She could tell by the look in his eyes. A look of fear and hurt and a yearning she couldn’t put her finger on. ‘What do you need?’ She wanted to ask, but didn’t want to pry. ‘He’ll come around’, she thought. He’ll see I’m not like ‘them’. He can trust me. And he sees that now. Hopefully. But she’s vowed to be there for him in any and every way a good woman is supposed to. Buzz. “That’s it!! I’m finding that annoying phone!!” She’ll regret this later. In life, like in years to come. She’ll wish she didn’t hear it. The buzz. That voice. That call, that text, that woman doctor talking about that man. As he lay there. Sleeping so beautifully while she discovered his coveted nightmare. His past has yet again risen. And while he sleeps, his nightmare speaks. Riley was molested. As a boy through his teen years. And somehow the disgusting secret of his youth became the fetish he couldn’t explain. Or live without. When his birth mother could no longer deny his being violated, he was placed with a distant Aunt who he dubbed his mother to his new friends. His new life. And he never looked back. Not even to Fran, his own mother. She sent him to college and out into the real world never speaking of ‘the incident’. He went through life never addressing his hurt, his confusion, his secret desires. Yet, he took a lover once in a while. He called them “episodes”. Times when he yearned nothing more than the strong forbidden grasp of a man’s love. The very thing he hated, the one thing his soul loathed was the one thing his fleshed burned for. With a beautiful wife and two sons the spitting image of his handsome features and his wife’s warm smile. He had it all. On the surface, but there was an itch he had to, didn’t want to, but needed to scratch. His wife discovered this secret the hard way. She was the only woman he’d ever loved outside of his mother and her outrage surprised him. One fateful night, he’d confessed to her the ills of his childhood. She held him as she shed tears for him. A good man, the love of her life, father of her children, cried for the childhood he never had. Sure she would love him m0re. For the m0ther he hadn’t seen in too many years. For the family he’s detached from. She held him and together they wailed. Cried out their pain. He never admitted the episodes. She found that out on her own. He understood her hurt but for her to leave like that, after all, she knew about his childhood. She was his best friend and he only told this story, in its entirety, once. They shed tears of pain and confusion and hope and bonded in ways intimacy for either of them had never known. ‘How the hell could she leave him after a night like that?’ He retorted. He hadn’t had an ‘episode’ in years. And when she found out he’d willingly violated their vows, no explanation would do. She and their two boys flew across country and he only gets to see them when she seldom visits, though he pays both spousal and child support, this is the extent of the life he longed for for so many years. He thought she was beautiful. Smart and classy. Nurturing and witty. Independent and accommodating. He married Taylor without ever thinking twice. Pure, honest love that he hadn’t felt since, well, never! He felt safer with her than he did with his own mother. And she was gone now. His life was gone. Children gone. His heart was gone. Buzz. What Falon read and what Falon heard broke Falon down. ‘Auto Accident. Emergency contact. No other known relatives’. But her man. Her King. The man she’d been having incredibly passionate unprotected sex with. Lay there so peacefully not knowing that yet another wonderful woman was on her way out of his life for good due to a secret that haunts him. That he hunts for. And he’s the prey. Or the prowler, depending on the day. The doctor said his lover may not make it. That he’d been asking for Riley since he was in the ambulance. That he needed to tell him something. Riley lied telling him he’d be out of town for the weekend but Mr. Gresham begged the doctors to please locate him. ‘Yes, this was a matter of life and death,’ he'd implored. The doctor asked Falon if she was his sister, aunt or relative. Exactly who was Falon, she asked, before disclosing confidential information. “I’m his sister and he’s sleeping.” She mustered the air to talk. Her heart caught between her lungs and the rage that was maturing in her mind. “I’m about to kill this bastard!” ‘Excuse me?’ the doctor inquired. In her theatre trained tone of cordiality, she shook off her intentions saying, “No, nothing, doctor, Um, I, uh, will wake Riley and get him to call you back immediately. Thank you for calling and let Mr. Gresham know Riley will be there soon.” She’s not sure if it was the phone crashing into the door or which plate shattering the window above his head that finally woke him. Maybe it was her heart breaking that broke the silence. Every plate, cup, each dish made from love now attributed to the rooms décor. But broken glass seemed like shredded paper next to the vengeance he saw in her eyes. He didn’t have to ask. Her discovery was apparent and he never got upset by the storm he'd awoke to. Something in him knew. Though they had never met, that was the same look in Taylor’s eyes. His head dropped. He didn’t know how and frankly it wasn’t important. He knew she knew. “Mr. Gresham is in the hospital. You’re the emergency contact on his insurance. He’s not doing well and has unyieldingly requested your presence.” All this said with the same tone they taught her to use when she wanted to scream but words would be more efficient. This tone said, ‘As soon as I get these words out something bad will happen because with each syllable the fury is growing and I can feel a fire pit in my gut!’ Hence, the grittiness of each word provided just enough gravel to make this thee most uncomfortable scene in life. Her discovery now turned to concern and even though he tried to mask his initial reaction, it was at this moment Falon knew Riley loved this hospitalized demon. Not because he’s her man’s lover, but because in this one morning, one act, this one phone call, this text that read, “Please answer, its an emergency!” This one breakfast that now only a good mopping will feast on. The meal now being adorned by the walls and windows, all destroyed her desires of ever cooking, or proverbially love again, it was over. For good. For her. For real. How deceptive? How wrong? What did she miss? What signs didn’t she heed? “Damn you!” Her eyes warned she was homicidal. Riley, head down, wanting to get up and rush out of the room. To the shower to think. To the hospital to support. And ask why the hell did he do something like this! To get in his car to just ride with no destination. But he couldn’t move. Tired of running to and away from this. From himself. So he sat there. And cried. For Falon. The sweetest woman he’d ran across and who he’d given a fair share of hell to just to make sure she was worthy. Of what? To end up betrayed. He’s been nursing a broken heart for longer than he’s been loved. And for the 2nd time, he’s seeing the toxin of his past ruin his future. His family. His life as a whole. So he cried. He called Taylor’s name though she was nowhere in sight. He screamed his apologies to his sons but only the walls received them. And Fran, he only screamed ‘why’!! Why mom, why?’ Its the saddest groan from the soul of a grown man grieving. Loss. Of direction and love and peace all due to these things being robbed of him when he was too young to understand and now too accustomed to change. Riley sat in his shattered breakfast, in his shattered life, in his shattered heart, for what seemed like hours. He never heard her heels screech, never heard her ‘goodbye’, never heard the door slam, or the car’s engine. He never heard anything as loud as his life shattering. Again. But this time he knew the under currents of his life were making waves that were drowning him……Buzzzzz…
In her car. She sped from the driveway as if someone, some evil flesh eating thing was chasing her and the only super power she had was her acceleration pedal. So she sped. Only her eyes filled with too many tears to see. Each wipe caused her to swerve. Each sob made her illegally cross a lane. “HONK”!! Fear and nervousness and the sheer will to want to die in this very moment took over her. ‘The baby’ she remembered. “NOOO”!! So she pulled over, if you consider running up the side walk after disregarding a curb, as pulling over. And she cried. Punched her stomach and pulled her hair. Anything to make the outside hurt as bad as the inside. Inside she felt her heart dissolving as if it were doused with acid. Her heart was gone. Leaving at least. Falon was 3 months pregnant. Completely elated and hadn’t told anyone yet. This was the cause of her secret celebration. She took him to Ruth’s Chris and told him to order away. Drink for her because she couldn’t indulge. He never even questioned why. Now he’ll never know. How could she bring a child into the world with a father who's not really a man? How could she love a child and hate, completely hate the seed from which it came? Unfair. To all involved. If she aborts, how will she look at herself? This is what she’s always wanted. If she doesn’t she’ll be living the biggest lie in history. Who could she tell? Her best friends had eluded her. Her mother wouldn’t support, well, either decision. Her father would be so hurt he wouldn’t be able to look at her. “NOOOO” She screamed as her voice shrieked across the windshield and bounced off the windows. And Riley? He’d better not so much as dial her number. She was tempted to go to the police and cry rape. Get him locked up where he belonged. Perfectly fitting. ‘KNOCK KNOCK’. There was a man in his mid-fifties staring at her as if he were witnessing an alien abduction. ‘Huh? Oh, yes, sir I’m fine’, she mustered. “Ma’am you’re on my lawn.” She looked around like she’d fell asleep and woke up in another life. But this was real. And she had some real decisions to make. First was to get off this nice mans perfectly manicured lawn. Second see a doctor. Or whatever you call those people who fixed conceptual mistakes in the privacy of a clinic affixed with protestors. Wonder if they still do that. Protest? Who could rally to keep a child from a man who’s, well, another mans man. NOOO!! “Ma’am, do you need me to call someone? You don’t look well.” Theatre time. ‘Yes, I’m fine, I only lost my way. My phone, my coffee spilled on my lap. Um sorry. Here.’ She hurriedly grabbed an unaccounted for sum of hundreds from her purse and while he looked puzzled, he accepted. In the same motion, whipped her face and put the car in gear. ‘Highway.’ Leaving the memory, the hope and the attempt of love alone for good. Maybe she’d take that position she was offered in Japan. But love? Never again. Never the butt of lifes joke. Goodbye love. It was nice. But this is the end of us. And honestly, the end of me as the world knows it…